A crisis of confidence and purpose, and a new approach
Confession time: I’m not really sure where I’m going with this blog, and I don’t know what my long-term purpose is.
I started blogging because I was trying to sort my thoughts out. As long as I’m finding my way through all this, there’s not a problem, but if I ever reach a satisfactory conclusion, it changes the whole situation and I don’t know what I’m going to do.
I don’t want to spend my time blogging if I’m not adding anything different or important. I’ve never been happy with just repeating things that hundreds of other people are saying, but nor do I see any appeal in just being a contrarian for the sake of it. I’m also concerned that I might end up allowing my life to be dominated by what I don’t believe in a way that could be unhealthy.
That’s one side of the problem. The other, which may be related, is that I’ve noticed I’m probably far too obsessive over the quality of everything I post. I hate the feeling of “I shouldn’t have posted that” or “I wish I’d said this”. Combined with an almost total inability to assess the quality of what I write, that makes me prone to holding posts in draft for ages, trying to improve them, when I just need to get them out and move on.
As a way of dealing with both problems, and because I’ve got a huge backlog of things I’d like to write about but haven’t got around to, I’m trying to make my blogging far more instinctive. I might say I’m still trying to find my voice, but I probably wouldn’t because it would make me want to punch myself. But if I’m going to carry on with this, I need to know that it’s serving a purpose.
I hope that this approach will allow me to post a lot more in future, with no discernible change in quality. Early indications from the last few days are good, but please let me know if it’s going wahoonie-shaped.