Religion is the smile on a dog

Dog FaceNo no, it’s alright – I know, he’s a bit big and he looks quite scary, but he doesn’t bite – Down, boy, down! – he just wants to play. He loves old people, he’s always fussing around them wagging his tail, hoping for a treat. And children, too – he just loves children. Actually, now I think about it, maybe he loves children a bit too much…

Anyway, he’s a lovely pet, and really nice to have around. He’s so friendly, and he loves playing. I suppose you could say he’s got a bit of a one-track mind and I don’t think he handles complexity or change very well, but give him a familiar environment and he’s fine. Look, boy – see the relic – go fetch! Fetch it! Good boy. Aren’t you clever? Yes you are. What a clever boy.

He is a little bit needy, though – he always likes to follow you around, and it’s really hard to get some private time for yourself. It’s like he’s making sure we don’t get up to anything! And he does whine if you eat without him. He’s fine if you give him a bit – about a tenth usually shuts him up – but it’s a bit of a nuisance. He just likes to think he runs the house.

Dog SmilingAnd I should warn you, he does have some funny habits. He barks angrily at pictures of Richard Dawkins, for example. Not just a picture, anything that looks like him or sounds like him – I have no idea why, it must be down to some sort of early trauma.

Oh, and while I’m on that subject, don’t use the “G” word. You know the one, don’t make me say it. No, it’ll set him off! Alright, I’ll spell it – G-A-Y. Down boy, sit! Stay! No, he really doesn’t like it – sends him absolutely mental. So it might be best if you don’t let people of the same sex hold hands, or even sit too close to each other, because I don’t know how he’d cope with that.

Apart from that, he’s fine.

Images courtesy of finny-g and kevinbenn, used with permission

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About Recovering Agnostic

I'm Christian by upbringing, agnostic by belief, cynical by temperament, broadly scientific in approach, and looking for answers. My main interest at the moment is in turning my current disengaged shrug into at least a working hypothesis.

4 responses to “Religion is the smile on a dog”

  1. Heretic Husband says :

    Also, it doesn’t treat females very well…

    • Recovering Agnostic says :

      True. And to be honest, it gets really aggressive towards other breeds and cross-breeds. Even if another dog appears to be the same breed, the odds are that they’ll start fighting before long.

  2. unkleE says :

    Lol!! He’s also forgotten he was born to be a working dog, and now just enjoys sleeping in the sun.

  3. ReasonBeing says :

    Haha…well done. Very creative and to the point!

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