Ten Hundred Word Baptism

BaptismWhen people want to show that they like God, they usually go under water to show it. The idea is that their old life dies, and they start a new one. But they have to remember to come back above the water, or they really die and go to see God straight away.

When Mr Jesus wanted to show that he liked God, he went under water and God the Father spoke to say that He liked him, while the air-person-God came down from the sky, like a flying animal. That doesn’t happen for most people.

Some people say that you have to go under water if you like God, or you won’t get to go to the nice place in the sky when you die. Some people say that you have to be old enough to believe in God when you do it, and some say you just need someone to make you slightly wet on the head when you’re little.

Some other people think you can go to the nice place in the sky without going under water, because Mr Jesus said a bad man who took things that weren’t his would go there, even though he didn’t go under water. But they usually think it’s nice to do it anyway, because God likes it.

When God-liking people go under water like this, someone says important words about God the Father, Son and Air-Person, because this is what the Big Book of God says to do. It’s a bit strange that everyone agrees about this when they think different things about what else you should do, but even God-liking people can agree about things sometimes.

Image courtesy of meelin, used with permission


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About Recovering Agnostic

I'm Christian by upbringing, agnostic by belief, cynical by temperament, broadly scientific in approach, and looking for answers. My main interest at the moment is in turning my current disengaged shrug into at least a working hypothesis.

4 responses to “Ten Hundred Word Baptism”

  1. Delight in Truth says :

    I do encourage you to not build a straw man of your (former) Christian belief as in paragraph #2, but to read the Bible as it was meant to be read with an open mind and without the intention to mock it. You will be amazed at the profound message with respect to the baptism of Jesus…

    • Recovering Agnostic says :

      I’ve read an re-read the section you refer to, and I have no idea what you’re referring to. All I can see is a couple of unremarkable statements of fact. There’s a wry humour about it, but no straw man that I can see.

      Can you be more specific?

      • Lasseter says :

        Actually, I thought the comment at the end of that disputed paragraph, “That doesn’t happen for most people,” was a rather “profound message with respect to the baptism of Jesus” (quoting the first commentator, who did not seem to think your humor had any profundity).

  2. Robin Brunskill says :

    Going back to 1986 – round about that time anyway – back in the days when I was a meek soul, just trying to understand Christianity and fit in.. I attended a “Baptism Service” at “Peckham Park Baptist” where two of my friend stood up, thanked me for “Showing them the way to the Lord” and then got dunked in some water. I didn’t know what to make of it. A few months before, I requested to be Baptised too, and was told “We don’t think you are really a Christian”.. by some poor guy who had obviously been shoved forward to tell me, expecting some sort of reaction. Well.. I wasn’t sure what “really a Christian” meant in that context, and I wasn’t sure if “dunking people in cold water in Peckham” was quite what Jesus advised anyway… So I said, “Oh, ok” The man said, “What are you going to do?” Thinking that perhaps, that the idea of not being dunked in Cold Water in Peckham was so devastating to me, that I might not recover. I felt a bit sorry for him. So I said, “Well.. there are other churches…” And he nodded. And life got considerably worse for this poor fellow, because there he was, shoving not only my two pals under the water, but an entire line of people.. .All of whom had to “give their testimony” before they were Baptized.. so he was waist deep in water for about two hours… I’m trying not to laugh, but looking back… really… it was hysterical. Last time I heard about the two pals.. one had a baby by several fatheers and the other was casting out demons on the Old Kent Road. So THAT’s a warning for all who think that being dunked in cold water at Peckham Park Baptist will bode well. I’m not in touch with either of those people now. And I’m glad. Because looking back, it was cheapening experience and possibly gave them the flu.

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