Wrestlemania BC – Jacob vs The Great I Am

Desert SceneHere we are in the great new open-air arena near the Jabbok, and this looks like it’s going to be a fantastic evening’s entertainment, grapple fans! Here’s the champion Jacob with his entourage, showing off the champion’s belt and working up the crowd with some showboating.

He’s a seriously hard man, Rick. This guy worked for seven long years just to be allowed to marry his wife, and then he worked another seven years because he married the wrong one first time.

You say hard, I say stupid, but I wouldn’t say that to his face.

I hear you, buddy. There you are, he’s sending his two wives, and his servants and his kids off across the river, leaving him with just his ladder, and now it’s time to get ready for tonight’s main event. See how well-oiled those muscles are?

That’s the great thing about not being hairy. Can you imagine his brother Esau looking like that?

Now remember, no one knows who the challenger is tonight. We’re not even sure when he’ll turn up.

Heads up! Look, over there – the Masked Man! We have our challenger!

Is that a white beard sticking out of the mask? Does that look familiar to you?

Oh – no, it couldn’t be. If this is who I think it is, Jacob’s in for a world of pain.

And Jacob’s seen Him. Hold on, this is about to get rough.

Oof, no messing about from these two. Straight into a clinch, but neither of them can get a good hold, and they’ve broken.

The Masked Man’s climbing Jacob’s ladder. But Jacob’s got Him by the leg, and says get down here. He wants to keep this tight.

Now Jacob’s got the Masked Man in a choke hold. It looks like he’s going for a submission, but he could be waiting a while.

He’s not going to get a submission out of this guy, I can tell you that. He just doesn’t know when He’s beat. You could literally kill Him and He’d come back for more.

Look, He’s got an arm free. Jacob better watch out.

Whoa, what just happened there? Jacob’s in pain, but I didn’t see what happened.

The Masked Man just touched him on the hip, and it looks like it might be dislocated. I’m guessing that has to be some sort of magic move.

Orange Crusher WrestlerWhat!? Foul play! The referee needs to get involved here. You just cannot do that!

Actually, Jim, as He wrote the rules, I think He can do whatever He wants.

But Jacob’s still keeping that hold. He’s in a special kind of agony, but he’s not giving up on this.

And he’s got to hold on. As soon as he lets the hold go, that hip’s going to cause him all sorts of mobility problems, and the Masked Man will be all over him.

All he can do is hold on and try to get the submission, even if it takes until morning.

Look, what’s happening now? The Masked Man is asking to get up. Is this a submission?

It doesn’t look like Jacob thinks so. He doesn’t trust this guy.

That’s smart. I wouldn’t trust Him either.

They’re talking. They’re both trying to get each other in a hold and they’re actually having a conversation.

Hey, is He…? Is He about to unmask Himself to Jacob?

It looks like it. I don’t believe this!

This is incredible! No one has ever seen His face before!

Here goes the mask! Jacob has actually seen the Masked Man’s face!

And look at what that’s done to Jacob! That’s really scared him. He just wants to get away!

He’s lost his hold, and he’s crawling away. He’s had enough for now!

That’s it! The Masked Man’s up, He’s snatched the belt, and He’s gone! What did we just see there?

Jacob’s going to be feeling sore about that, but what a great performance by him.

We need to know what else they were talking about there. There might have been some sort of deal going on. Either way, Jacob knows a lot about this guy now. He knows His tricks, and he’s seen His face. He’ll be itching for a rematch once that hip’s better.

I don’t think he’s got much chance of a rematch, though. That belt’s gone, and Mr Mask works to His own rules. I don’t know when we’re likely to see Him again.

Images courtesy of klsmith77 and pylon, used with permission

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About Recovering Agnostic

I'm Christian by upbringing, agnostic by belief, cynical by temperament, broadly scientific in approach, and looking for answers. My main interest at the moment is in turning my current disengaged shrug into at least a working hypothesis.

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