Making sense of my crazy life
I’ve been neglecting this blog way more than I’d like recently, due to the repeated intrusion of real life. Lots of things are going on both at home and at work, with the two of them locked in a battle for supremacy and grinding my inspiration and energy into the dirt.
This week was fairly typical of what I’m trying to deal with at the moment – a sapping day-long meeting with a lot of people who are probably going to end up deciding on my future employment; a struggle to do a week’s work in three days while additional tasks are thrown my way because I made the tactical error of being competent; and finally, a sudden request for an early morning radio interview relating to the thing that’s occupying most of my home life, ahead of another potentially career-defining day.
It reminds me of having a new baby on the house – there’s constant stress, I can’t seem to escape from the things that are keeping me busy, and I can’t remember the last time I felt like I’d had enough sleep. Although in this case, that’s mostly down to my current inability to switch my brain off, rather than not having the time for it.
When you’re under pressure like this, you find out a lot about yourself, in all sorts of ways. Because I’m being stretched in so many different directions, I’m finding that I have skills I would never have imagined without being forced into certain situations. And because I’m tired and under pressure, certain character flaws (no, I’m not giving details) are being magnified to the point of embarrassment. The Stress giveth with one hand, and taketh away with the other.
I don’t recommend this to anyone – the last few months have been pretty rough, and I’d have taken action long ago if I didn’t know that these problems are going to be resolved soon, one way or another. But it’s an experience, and it can have a lot of value if I choose to use it appropriately.
Once, faced with this situation, I’d have turned it into a narrative about the intent of a higher power, and I suppose this is another way of doing the same thing. Removing any mention of deities, the question becomes what positive consequence there might be for me as a person. That may be strengthening my resolve, revealing new skills or just making me think about what’s really important to me, and what isn’t. Either way, it’s essentially me looking for possible positives.
This is a half-formed thought, because I’m not in a position to do much more than that right now, but it has a connection with something I’ve been wondering for a while anyway. I suspect the nature of religious thought is driven by the way we would approach those questions in the absence of God, with little difference aside from the theistic veneer. The agency and theology are different, but the essential ideas remain the same.
But I said this is just half-formed, and possibly the fevered ramblings of an overtired brain, so have at it – am I onto something, or am I just talking nonsense?