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Wrestlemania BC – Jacob vs The Great I Am

Desert SceneHere we are in the great new open-air arena near the Jabbok, and this looks like it’s going to be a fantastic evening’s entertainment, grapple fans! Here’s the champion Jacob with his entourage, showing off the champion’s belt and working up the crowd with some showboating.

He’s a seriously hard man, Rick. This guy worked for seven long years just to be allowed to marry his wife, and then he worked another seven years because he married the wrong one first time.

You say hard, I say stupid, but I wouldn’t say that to his face.

I hear you, buddy. Read More…

Let’s see if Job’s Game for a Laugh

DevilToday we’re here in the Land of Uz, visiting a man called Job. A couple of months ago, Job’s friend Mr Yahweh called us up and said that Job was the sort of man who’d be game for a laugh. So last week, we arranged a few little surprises for him.

First, we arranged for a group of Sabeans to ride by, take his oxen and donkeys, and kill some of his servants.

Then we burned up all his sheep and some more of his servants.

Next, we got some Chaldeans to steal Job’s camels and kill even more of his servants. Read More…

Samson: The true story

In response to popular demand, I’m planning to look again at some well-known Bible stories and summarise them in my own way, stripping away the pious chin-stroking. First on the list is Samson, who’s been the subject of all sorts of fantastic legends, but the story works just as well if you read it as his own rather hazy memory of a massive bender.

Samson also lost his clothes somehow

Y’know what, I’m r’lly strong, you know, verrr strong. I c’n fight a… wha’ those am…am…aminuls, big things, lions. I c’n kill them with jus’ my hands. I dun it loads. Wazzat? You callin’ me a liar? C’m on, I’ll take y’all on, y’ bunch of pansies. Whoooo wants sum then, eh? D’d that army spill my pint? I c’d ‘ave them. I c’d kill ’em all with jus’ a…a…a bone (hic) Not jus’ any bone, a dzor…jawbone. Fr’m an ass. Hehehe. Ass.

Read More…

Let’s assume the creationists are right

Adam and Eve

I’ve recently been debating with a Young-Earth Creationist (YEC) for the first time in ages. I’d forgotten how soul-destroying it is – locked in an argument with someone who will insist that the world was created in exactly six days, that all scientific investigation to the contrary is worthless, misleading or fraudulent, and if all else fails, that God created everything to look really old in order to mislead anyone who doesn’t have genuine faith.

It’s a bizarre belief, but once someone’s got to the point of taking the Omphalos hypothesis seriously, they’ve effectively and conveniently ruled out any evidence they don’t like. There’s no way of shaking their belief, because this sort of special pleading allows them to explain away absolutely anything. So I’m going to give up arguing – clearly, as they say, Genesis is literally and unambiguously true in every respect, and anyone who says otherwise is just wrong. Read More…

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