In response to popular demand, I’m planning to look again at some well-known Bible stories and summarise them in my own way, stripping away the pious chin-stroking. First on the list is Samson, who’s been the subject of all sorts of fantastic legends, but the story works just as well if you read it as his own rather hazy memory of a massive bender.
Y’know what, I’m r’lly strong, you know, verrr strong. I c’n fight a… wha’ those am…am…aminuls, big things, lions. I c’n kill them with jus’ my hands. I dun it loads. Wazzat? You callin’ me a liar? C’m on, I’ll take y’all on, y’ bunch of pansies. Whoooo wants sum then, eh? D’d that army spill my pint? I c’d ‘ave them. I c’d kill ’em all with jus’ a…a…a bone (hic) Not jus’ any bone, a dzor…jawbone. Fr’m an ass. Hehehe. Ass.